Wayne Lehrer, 73: Clarity in the Third Act

Wayne Lehrer, at 73, has fully moved into a new phase of life. The most rewarding so far. What he calls his third act. It has been a wild ride. His creative energy early on shined brightly: his unique view of the world first showed up in his paintings, then as a filmmaker, writer, producer of large-scale event experiences, and sculptor. It became clear that the thread was “immersive, transformative, and spiritually uplifting experiences.” But now he is in a different space. Around age 60, he started to let the person he was go, which was hard, and then became the person he is today.

His first book, The Prodigy Within: The Quest to Discover Your Life’s Purpose, set him on the journey to create The Art of Conscious Aging — The Operating Manual for Living an Extraordinary Third Act, with the goal being to bring people the same level of experience as he did in his previous careers. He is now directed towards assisting people in visioning their third act as filled with undreamt of — and yet totally attainable — possibilities.

Age and the passage of time can be viewed as a great assembling of all our seemingly splinter skills and experiences

This is the time when all the pieces come together: the hero(ine) overcomes their own and others’ obstacles, marshals their skills and talents, rises to the occasion, and, in the words of Abraham Maslow, self-actualizes. Age and the passage of time can be viewed as a great assembling of all our seemingly splinter skills and experiences. This is a time when we can become the person we were meant to be. It helps that he is a master yogi and meditator. He has been working on developing his creative voice for a lifetime.

What is your new book about?   
The Art of Conscious Aging — The Operating Manual for Living an Extraordinary Third Act, is about: letting go of the aspects of our identity that no longer serve us as we age; learning resiliency and course correction; recognizing that the story we are telling is the life we are living; telling a story of hope; and embracing the talents, gifts and qualities we’ve spent a lifetime developing. 

“I believe the New Third Act is not about withdrawing and retiring, but of re-birthing, re-wiring, and re-inventing”

What do you mean by the Third Act, Wayne?
In my book The Art of Conscious Aging — The Operating Manual for Living an Extraordinary Third Act, I present the construct of life in three acts. The First Act, from birth through to our early-late teens and early twenties, is when we are engaged in learning, exploring, discovering and, hopefully, finding what we are interested in and passionate about. The Second Act begins with leaving high school and our parents’ house, seeking our own identity and defining, for ourselves, what we want to do. It begins in our twenties and goes to our mid-fifties or early sixties. This is the time in life when we achieve, acquire, succeed, accumulate, compete and build. It is when we create the person we refer to as me or I, the ego, the self. It continues until around sixty when the Third Act arrives.

Until now, the Third Act has spanned 10 or 15 years and been defined as retirement — the time when we step out of the rat race and seek ease, comfort, security and safety. But that’s changed now that many of us will live an additional 30 or more years — due to advances in medicine, better nutrition, daily exercise, a degree of financial stability and healthy lifestyle choices. As such, I believe the New Third Act is not about withdrawing and retiring, but of re-birthing, re-wiring, and re-inventing. This New Third Act can be a time of serenity, acceptance (of ourselves and others), giving back, creating value, collaborating, building communities, sharing our wisdom, being a beginner again and becoming the Elders that guide us away from the abyss and towards a world that we believe is our responsibility to re-imagine, re-design and re-create.

“For the first time in my life, I am living in the here and now”

How would you describe where you are today in your life?
For the first time in my life, I am living in the here and now. My days are rich and full. My path is clear and I feel guided. I live in gratitude — a by-product of years of writing gratitude lists and deep introspection. Best of all, after being overwhelmed with a feeling of hopelessness ten years ago, when I was on the precipice of my Third Act, I wake up excited, hopeful, and curious for the first time since I was a child.

What surprises you most about who Wayne Lehrer is today?
That somehow, mysteriously, in the last several years, the scarred, scared, and hopeless man that I was terrified of being has become a story of hope, shared with others. Okay, truth be told, it’s not so mysterious. It’s all the result of hard work, a spiritual practice, gratitude lists, mentors, twelve-step rooms, and finding my way to live my life knowing I am guided, by the great not me, to a purpose greater than myself.

“By guiding others to teach, and sharing the experience I’d received from yoga, I learned about kindness, generosity, and how to value each person’s unique voice and offering”

What role does yoga have in your life?
Yoga bailed me out when my previous life as a filmmaker and theme park designer hit the rocks. At first, I thought I had fallen from a great height and become a friggin’ exercise teacher. It was a hard pill to swallow but, because the practice of yoga healed me (mentally and emotionally), I slowly began to embrace the life I found myself living. Since the practice is about being present, non-judgmental, and accepting life on life’s terms, it has helped heal ancient wounds.

A whole other level of gifts unfolded when I began to train others to teach. By guiding others to teach, and sharing the experience I’d received from yoga, I learned about kindness, generosity, and how to value each person’s unique voice and offering. There’s no doubt in my mind that had I not been teaching and practicing yoga and meditation for these 25 years I would have little of value to say and would never have had the courage, insights, and wisdom to write about Conscious Aging and discovering your Life’s Purpose. 

What about meditation?
I have been doing meditation, on and off, for over 50 years. It’s clear to me that without it I would never have found a way through; the traumas of childhood, the insecurities and low self-esteem of my teens, and the striving, ego, and addiction of adulthood. Over the years, I have gone through a dozen different styles and practices, but I have ultimately found my way to simply being mindful, accepting, and aware. I now know that my only job when sitting is to show up, be still and, to the best of my ability, be the witness to the event of the moment.

“I can honestly say that I’ve been in heaven every time I’ve been allowed to do this”

What was the best part of the work you did in the past?
When I was hired to create a film, an event, or an experience to transport a group of people into a world of magic, mystery, love, and infinite possibilities — that was as good as it’s ever been. So, I can honestly say that I’ve been in heaven every time I’ve been allowed to do this. In every film, world’s fair pavilion, museum exhibit, executive training, spiritual retreat I’ve produced and directed, I have been blown away by the opportunity to attempt and often succeed at creating this kind of unique experience for others. 

What has directed you? What is the unseen hand that has guided you through many manifestations to get you to where you are today?
In the Bible, it’s referred to as “the still, small voice within” and I’ve come to call it “the Prodigy Within.” It is that consciousness that guided, prepared, and helped ripen me for the point in my life when all of the diverse aspects of who I am —  gifts, talents, passions, creativity, and life experiences — could come together and, fueled by my desire to create something of value, to make a contribution, find expression. This moment became my first  book — The Prodigy Within – The Quest to Discover Your Life’s Purpose for Late Bloomers and other Seekers — where I present the idea that for each of us there comes a time, in mid- to late-life, when we have gathered all of the diverse aspects of who we are and feel a need to make a meaningful contribution — establish our Legacy.

“The first thing I recommend is that you begin with Acceptance : it’s happening, cannot be avoided and may potentially prove to be the beginning of the most rewarding period of your life”

Since then, my “still, small voice” has grown louder as has the Prodigy Within. Using a number of my best friends, it suggested that I was the perfect person to write a book on Conscious Aging and, having learned my lesson, I listened. Five years later, I am the benefactor of the next step on a journey that just keeps becoming more and more fulfilling.

How would you advise people to prepare for such a transition?
For most of the people I know, and I have coached, the transition into the Third Act is not nearly as natural as the one from the First Act to the Second Act. In my experience, it tends to be uncomfortable, messy and challenging. In order to make it through with a degree of grace, the first thing I recommend is that you begin with Acceptance: it’s happening, cannot be avoided and may potentially prove to be the beginning of the most rewarding period of your life.

Next, you will need to begin to face and Let Go of those things that: have changed with age and require adaptation; no longer serve you; you can’t do at the same level and; have stopped giving you joy, sustenance and inspiration. After this, there is a period of Dissolution and Loss, a time of Grieving for that which was and may never be again.

“During this time, our old identity is rocked to its core and the new one has yet to take shape”

I personally experienced this as an existential depression, but came to understand it as my Third Act Identity Crisis. During this time, our old identity is rocked to its core and the new one has yet to take shape. We are best served, during this chrysalis period, by: exploring spiritual practices — meditation, yoga and prayer; finding and befriending uplifting communities and people who model the changes we wish to make and; seeking therapists, coaches and workshops familiar with helping us embrace the Operating System for the Third Act.

Once through this transition, it’s time to ask ourselves: Who We Are; what we want; what makes us happy; what turns us on; how, what or where can we make a difference and; if we had six months left to live, what would we most regret not saying, doing or accomplishing?

It’s my experience that just asking these questions sprinkles breadcrumbs, the clues we need to lead us forward on our path to a fulfilling Third Act.

“We’ve spent 40 to 60 years believing this is who we are, and opening to the possibility that something equally good and perhaps even more satisfying may yet be awaiting us”

What is the challenge people face going from the 2nd act to the 3rd act?
The challenge is becoming comfortable with letting go of the person we refer to as “me,” that we’ve spent 40 to 60 years believing is who we are, and opening to the possibility that something equally good and perhaps even more satisfying may yet be awaiting us. It is made particularly difficult by the fact that success in modern culture is defined by the characteristics developed and prized in the Second Act: achieve, acquire, accumulate, succeed, compete and build. Over a period of a few short years, at midlife, these objectives are brought into question or taken from us.

Suddenly, we face: no longer being a parent as we find ourselves in an empty nest; our bodies incapable of all of the things we used to take for granted; and the inescapable realities that come with aging. The quest is to accept what the new parameters are without succumbing to the belief that your possibilities are limited, your value diminishing, and your time measured and rapidly decreasing. The remedy requires community, an increased dependence on your spiritual source, and the willingness to have what the Zen Master Suzuki Roshi calls, “A Beginners Mind.” In my estimation, though it is challenging, considering the alternatives — this is the easier, softer way.

“When I realized that this was my true passion and purpose, I understood that whether I was producing a rave for 5,000 people in Cape Town, a 3-D Imax film with lasers, a yoga class for 15 people, or a book on aging, the seed was an overarching desire to create this kind of experience for others”

Where does your artwork fit in? 
In my twenties, when I started painting, I discovered a gift I didn’t know I had: creativity. I loved the joy of following a feeling, not being at the effect of right or wrong, good or bad, and being free, for the first time, to recognize and appreciate my unique way of seeing the world. I was really excited to discover how good I was at being me — that I loved what I created. As a sculptor, I learned to trust myself even more and the pure joy of being absorbed for 6-8 hours in a total flow state. But it wasn’t until I became a filmmaker and event producer that I understood that at the center of all I had ever done (or wanted to do) was a desire to create immersive, transformative and spiritually uplifting experiences.

When I realized that this was my true passion and purpose, I understood that whether I was producing a rave for 5,000 people in Cape Town, a 3-D Imax film with lasers, a yoga class for 15 people, or a book on aging, the seed was an overarching desire to create this kind of experience for others.

So now, as I embark on this new enterprise, what has me truly excited is the possibility of creating these kinds of experiences, to assist people in Visioning their Third Act filled with undreamt of, and yet totally attainable, possibilities. I want people to see their Third Act, not as a time for settling for less, but as it is portrayed in literature, the time when all the pieces come together: the hero(ine) overcomes their own and others’ obstacles, marshals their skills and talents, rises to the occasion, and, in the words of Abraham Maslow, self-actualizes.

“Having this new enterprise completely aligned with my purpose makes stepping up not just a necessity, but an adventure that has really energized something that at any other time in my life I would have run away from”

You are now in the position of being a first-time entrepreneur at 73. How are you approaching that?
What’s been most interesting is that the things I have to do — social media, self-promotion, and outreach — are an enormous stretch for me, emotionally and psychologically, which is why I’ve always avoided them. But the upside is that because I am so passionate about the book, its message, and my desire to share it, I find myself willing to do whatever it takes. Having this new enterprise completely aligned with my purpose makes stepping up not just a necessity, but an adventure that has really energized something that at any other time in my life I would have run away from. Now, I can step up and embrace these challenges.

In my interaction with other midlifers and Third Actors I have heard this same story: doing what I feel I’m called to do has stretched me in ways that I could never have imagined and there’s nothing like doing new things to feel alive, energized and hopeful.

What are the best parts of being this age, vs being 50 or 60?
The best part of being 73 is that I feel that I get to choose — perhaps for the first time in my life — what I really want to do with my time, energy, relationships, and projects. Even though there are far fewer years in front of me than behind me, I’m not in a rush to make anything happen. At the same time, I won’t let opportunities pass that I may regret. I am comfortable living life on life’s terms. The Zen Buddhists refer to this state as learning to embrace “What’s So.” It is the path of accepting the opportunity and responsibility of being an Elder. 

“When I was younger I could get away with everything and experience few (if any) consequences. But that’s not true anymore”

What is the biggest challenge in your life today?
Practicing acceptance of life on life’s terms. It has been a process of learning to dispassionately observe the way I feel, my judgments, what works and what doesn’t, and become ever more mindful of my responsibility in the making and interpreting of my reality. In my book I have a chapter entitled It’s Not Negotiable. When I was younger, I could get away with everything and experience few (if any) consequences. But that’s not true anymore.

“It would be beyond wonderful if I could spend the rest of my life living the kind of purposeful life I just described”

In my twenties, and even into my fifties, I could: get away with little or no sleep, but now I need to get 7 hours before 10:00 pm; I rarely visited a doctor, but now it’s a regular calendar entry; I could eat whatever I wanted but now French fries, wine, and carbs immediately translate into weight, pains and fatigue, while flour products generate brain fog, arthritis and inflammation. Bottom line: none of these are negotiable anymore. When I try to negotiate with this “new reality,” it always results in an increase in my unhappiness. It creates a shrinking of my life and, above all, unnecessary suffering. 

From the perspective you have today, what would you say our purpose is?
I believe our purpose is to be happy. We need to love, make the most of the gifts and talents we’ve been given, and discover a way to share all of these with others. 

What is your ambition for the next 10 years?
It would be beyond wonderful if I could spend the rest of my life living the kind of purposeful life I just described. And, if you’re taking orders, I’d like a soulful relationship, deep surrender to what’s so, unimagined adventures, a peace that passeth understanding, and to see the Earth pass through this challenging period. Oh yes, and perhaps write a guide book for the Fourth Act.

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